Would you Lie for your Child?

I spent part of this weekend catching up on some long overdue magazine reading. It was the April 2009 issue of “Parenting” that challenged my thinking. Each issue has a “Mom Debate” section and this month’s question was “Would you lie to get your kid out of trouble?” Without hesitation, my immediate, emphatic thought was “Of course not!” To me, it seemed such an obvious answer that I was surprised that a whopping 42% responded, “Yes.” I had to read the sample responses.

The parents who responded “No” cited reasons similar to my own. Parents didn’t want to set a poor example for their children, they were worried that kids wouldn’t learn that actions have consequences if Mom always fixed the situation, and they also felt that one lie would lead to even more.

The following rationale fell into the “Yes” category.

“It depends on the situation. If it would prevent my kid from getting beat up, yes, I would lie. If the principal called and asked if I knew my kid skipped a class, no, I would not lie. Bottom line, never say never, parents. Parenting is not black-and-white.” –Panda Roo on Parenting.com

“Bottom line, never say never, parents. Parenting is not black-and-white.” These two little sentences and the statement that a lie may be warranted if your child were in danger really challenged my thinking and reminded me that indeed, parenting is not black-and-white. After all, as parents, we often know what to do in theory but are confronted with countless practical situations where the books just don’t have all the answers.

This “Mom Debate” was a gentle and welcome reminder that many parenting decisions fall into “gray areas” and that as parents we should support each other and refrain from judgment.

Tagging Kids at Walt Disney World

If you frequent the Walt Disney World discussion boards, you’ll often see debates on whether to “tag” your child or not. “Tagging” your kids simply means using some form of child identification. I’ve always been a proponent of tagging my kids and had great success with the dog tag style of ID. I have to admit that although I’ve used child ID measures in the past, I felt that it was more of a precaution with my older son rather than a necessity. He is not a “runner”, generally sticks close to me and listens well.

It all changed this past week. We took a family trip to the Philadelphia Zoo and I was planning on trying out the new tattoo style of child identification. Somehow, some way, I completely forgot the child IDs until we were at the zoo. Ok, I was irritated with myself for forgetting something that was so important to me, but not overly concerned – I should have been.

Six months. That’s all it has been since our last Disney trip where my shy preschooler stayed close to my side. Six months evidently was all it took for him to get a greater sense of adventure and confidence. In the blink of an eye, he was a few feet ahead of us or running to open the door of exhibits for other zoo visitors (the jury’s still out but there’s a good chance being a doorman is his future calling). My heart stopped more than once as I literally took my attention off him for no more than seconds and then had to wonder where he was. Granted, he never strayed too far away but when he did, it was very unsettling.

The crowd level at the Philly Zoo was nothing compared to the crowds at Disney. There were no afternoon parades or evening fireworks shows where it is very easy to get separated from your party. And still, I had cause to worry about my son getting lost. This experience cemented in my mind the necessity of using child identification with my family – if for nothing else but peace of mind.

Here are some of the options I found for a personal child ID.
• Who’s Shoes Child ID Kit™ (www.whosshoesid.com) – Worn on your child’s shoe, parents personalize this reusable children’s ID with key identifying information.
• Safety Tattoos – These temporary tattoos can be customized by parents. Two companies which offer safety tattoos are Tottoos.Org (www.tottoos.org) and SafetyTat (www.safetytat.com)
• Luggage Tags – A luggage tag containing identification information may be fastened to a belt loop on your child’s clothing.
• Dog Tag Necklaces – Engraved dog tag necklaces are available from Internet websites. Even pet tags may be engraved and used for your child’s identification.
• Masking Tape and a Sharpie – Some parents prefer to affix a strip of masking tape to the inside hem of their child’s shirt. Parent contact information can be written on the masking tape with a Sharpie pen.

A Day in the Life…

Twenty-four hours in a day. Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? If you replied with a resounding “Yes!” to this question, chances are you don’t have children. Before I had kids, I almost didn’t know what to do with all that time. If I try to reach deep into the recesses of my “pre-Mommy” brain, I seem to recall evenings filled with reading good books, cooking complex meals, watching movies and yes, even going out!

Fast forward to three kids later and twenty-four hours in a day isn’t nearly enough. I am a very organized, efficient person with excellent time management skills. It’s true – you can ask anyone who knows me. However, these skills aren’t enough to even come close to accomplishing my daily to-do list. Did I forget to mention that I’m a list person also? Before I had children, I knew that I would be busier but until I experienced it for myself, I had no idea how busy. The lack of free time has seemed to increase exponentially with each child.

Let’s take a few days ago, for instance. I had my to-do list ready to go and even had some extra help since my husband took the day off from work to take care of some things around the house. Chief among the things I wanted to accomplish was to spend time working on my small business. With our young kids, I haven’t had as much time to work on it as I would like.

The day starts with feeding the kids and trying to grab a bite for myself with consisted of leftover cookies and a cinnamon bun. Not a very healthy start. I tried to get in a load of dishes before being confronted with the very real fact that my son had a bad cold that was getting worse. Now comes the near impossible task of preventing my son from spreading his germs to the rest of the household. Soon after, the baby is incredibly cranky and we suspect what his brother has is brewing in him. Fast forward a few hours and after 90 min. in the doctor’s office trying to occupy two cranky kids, we receive an ear infection diagnosis and a prescription. Within an hour or so of returning home, that low-grade fever spiked up 4 degrees and my son was a mess. It was heartbreaking but about to get worse. My husband stayed with the kids and dispensed Children’s Tylenol and lots of comfort while I went to a dental appointment I couldn’t reschedule. My mom was a savior and picked up the antibiotics. Fast forward another couple of hours and my son is writing in pain and is practically inconsolable with the now excruciating pain in his ear. What follows is a call to the doctor and another pharmacy run to pick up some numbing ear drops until the antibiotics kick in. The rest of the day is divide and conquer as we try to separate the kids and do our best to make our sick son comfortable. Before I know it, we fall exhausted into bed and I’m not even sure if I got to cross one item off my to-do list.

Twenty-four hours in a day is not enough but the love and joy of our children more than makes up for it.

Are Your Preschool Kids Ready for Disney World?

As the author of “Beyond the Attractions: A Guide to Walt Disney World with Preschoolers”, a Disney World travel guide focused on visiting with small kids, you might be surprised that I don’t advocate a Walt Disney World vacation for all families with small children. Let’s face it… a Walt Disney World vacation is not inexpensive. Not to mention, there is so much to stimulate all the senses that a Disney World trip may be an incredibly fun vacation, but not a very relaxing one. Visiting Disney World is not for everyone and there’s no shame in it.

Before you pick up the phone to book your Disney World vacation with your preschoolers, consider what a Disney World trip will likely require of your small kids.

1. Attention Span – Many of the best Disney attractions are not rides at all. Rather, they are either stage shows or theatre attractions. If your child is very active or is not used to watching a lot of television at home, it can be a chore for her to focus and sit still for a 20 – 30 minute show. Does your small child have the attention span and capability to sit without talking during these types of attractions?

2. Standing for an Extended Period of Time – A Disney World vacation will involve waiting on lines for the attractions and dining. Another factor to consider is the pre-shows. Some Disney preshow areas do not offer benches and are standing room only. Is your toddler or preschooler willing and able to stand by himself for an extended period of time?

3. Waiting…Waiting…Waiting – Will your young kids amuse themselves while waiting either in the queue or the preshow area for an attraction? Are you prepared to bring small toys and such to entertain them?

4. Dining – If your family is planning a number of table service meals, consider whether the kids will sit still while waiting for their meals to arrive. Do your children eat more quickly than the adults in your party and will they be patient while the entire family finishes dinner? Do your kids still use sippy cups or toddler utensils?

5. Fear Factor – Many of the Disney World attractions, which in and of themselves may not be scary, have either a darkened preshow area, theatre or even ride track. Volume may also be a factor. Many shows have loud music or sounds. Is your child is uncomfortable in the dark or with loud noises?

6. Sleep Schedules – How many naps a day do your toddlers and preschoolers take? What times are these naps and what is the length? Will your children have a meltdown if they miss a nap? Are you willing to miss the nightly entertainment if the kids need to go back to the room early in the evening for bed?

7. Costumed Characters – Disney World provides many character greeting areas. Is your child afraid of large costumed characters?

This blog entry is entitled “Are Your Preschool Kids Ready for Walt Disney World?” An equally appropriate title may be, “Are You Ready to Take Your Preschool Kids to Walt Disney World?” Consider whether you’re prepared to deal with having to leave an attraction line to go to the “potty” just as you reach the front. Are you ready to either return to the hotel early in the evenings for your children’s bedtime or allow them to stay up late every night? Are you open to bringing your stroller to Disney or renting one? There are a lot of factors to take into account when deciding whether your family is ready for a Disney World trip. You and you alone can decide if it’s the right time to introduce your kids to Walt Disney World. Whatever vacation you decide to take, I hope you have a magical trip filled with family memories.

Say Goodbye to Television, Jon and Kate

There has been much speculation recently about the state of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage. Jon and Kate are the parents of twins and sextuplets whose lives are chronicled in the reality show, “Jon and Kate Plus 8”. You can hardly pick up a magazine or turn on an entertainment news show without seeing reporting on Jon Gosselin’s rumored affair. Blogs have been abuzz with the rumors and everyone seems to have an opinion. The public is weighing in and taking sides. Debates abound – Has Jon been cheating? Is he justified due to how Kate treats him? Is Jon a cad? Will the Gosselin’s divorce?

The Gosselin’s have been elevated to celebrity status and as a result have relinquished much of their privacy. Paparazzi reportedly park outside the Gosselin’s new $1.3 million estate in Pennsylvania and follow Jon, the father of 8. He states that this intrusion into his private life has prevented him from pursuing normal activities without them being misinterpreted.

I’m not going to pass judgment on either of the Gosselin parents or presume to know whether the rumors are true or not. Instead, I say to Jon and Kate Gosselin, “Say goodbye to television.” In recent interviews, both Jon and Kate state that in the midst of the latest personal challenges, their focus is on their children. All the more reason to pack up their interview set and retreat to private life. It is naïve to think that the rumors swirling around their marriage will not ultimately affect their children. It will be impossible to shield the Gosselin 8 from what people are saying about their parents. One day, if not today or tomorrow, these young kids will be confronted with the gossip. These small children do not have the coping mechanism to just shrug off such hurtful comments, reports and pictures.

Right or wrong, Jon and Kate Gosselin face intense scrutiny from the media and the viewing audience. Innocent actions may be misinterpreted. People may wrongly judge. As parents, I’m sure they want to protect their children. The only way to effectively do so is to stop being front page news. The interest in their personal lives will not stop as long as they are on a reality television show. Therefore, say goodbye to television, Jon and Kate.

Love Letter to My Children

It has been said that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs ever. It is. Yes, it is difficult to adjust to putting your needs before my own. It is difficult to not remember the last time I had a conversation that was not pierced with “Excuse Me Mom.” It is difficult to surrender to the chaos that comes with being a parent.

However, the real challenge, the true difficulty in being your mom is because of how much I love you. My bottomless and overwhelming love for you makes me ache with hurt every time I cannot protect you from wounds, both physical and emotional, disappointment, and rejection. I hurt that I make mistakes and am not the perfect mom. I know that such a thing does not exist, but if there were ever any children who deserved it, it would be the three of you. I look at the innocence and promise of all of you and pray that I can do enough as a mom to help you fulfill all your potential. I want nothing more than for you to be moral, healthy and happy individuals who have all the tools and skills to create your perfect life, no matter what that means to you.

W – My precious newborn baby boy. I stared into your eyes this morning and cried tears of joy. You were staring at me as if I were the only one in the world – as if I would always be able to comfort and protect you like I can today. Your smiles and coos made the world stand still. As you melted my heart, I saw a world of possibilities for you.

M – To my firstborn son, you have forever changed my life. I know God loves me because he sent you to Daddy and me. You amaze me every day as you grow and learn. I cherish your hugs, kisses, smiles and dances. You are so loving and will be a great man.

W and M – I see my beloved Grandfather in your smiles. I know his kind and generous spirit are a part of you. When you smile, I see the light of God in your faces.

C – I couldn’t ask or hope for a better stepson. You have grown from a wonderful, funny and sweet little boy into a man that your father and I are so proud of. You are an example to your little brothers and I pray you will always be close with them. They are so fortunate to have such a great big brother in their lives. I am so fortunate to have you as my son. Thank you for accepting me and letting me be part of your life.

To my three sons – Please know that I have always and will always do my best for you and have given raising you my all. I’m sorry for the mistakes I’m bound to make. I pray to God that when I make mistakes, he’ll guide me to the right path and help me to be the best mother I can be and the one you all deserve. I love you more than you will ever know.

How Did I Become “Mom”?

First it was “Mama”. I remember anxiously awaiting my son’s first word and being thrilled when I heard Mama. As silly as it may seem now, it was some form of validation that I was doing things right – that my son recognized and loved me. For months, my heart would fill with joy when I heard his adorable voice calling me. Just the word Mama had me running to see what he needed and how I could help (can you tell this was my first child). Mama was the name of choice for the longest time. Then, it became Mommy. I’m not sure how this happened. I always referred to myself in the third person as Mama. He didn’t watch much t.v. So where did he hear Mommy? It doesn’t really matter as it was equally as loving and endearing.

A few weeks ago, it became just Mom. Mom. It seems so grown-up. Did he learn this in preschool? Just this single word seems to symbolize the end of his “babyhood” and as much as I celebrate his accomplishments and his growing up, hearing Mom saddens me a bit. It seems as if it is the beginning of the end of kisses and hugs in front of his friends, of snuggles on the couch, of Mommy being the center of his world.

Something for the Boys at Disney World

The Pirates League – the boys’ answer to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique will soon be coming to Disney’s Magic Kingdom.  No longer the exclusive domain of girls, dress-up has become swashbuckling good fun with this new experience. Instead of a Fairy Godmother-In-Training, an experienced pirate turns your little one into a matey. The transformation includes accessories such as a bandana, earrings, gold teeth, a beard and scars along with a photo. Various packages will be offered for this makeover which is not restricted to boys.

Genius. Pure genius. Disney has an incredible ability to separate parents and their cash by providing amazing experiences for little ones. While under the influence of the Disney magic, parents are very willing to do so and even clamor to make appointments for their little girls; For many, money is no object when trying to create an unforgettable trip. Whereas the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique caters primarily to little girls, Disney has just expanded it’s “customer base” with this new pirate experience aimed at boys.

Advances in Diaper Technology

There have been amazing new discoveries and innovention in the last century.  I dare say that the rate of scientific discovery continues to accelerate.   Advances have been made in noble areas such as health care, renewable energy and space.  Some have even questioned whether these new discoveries truly make the world a better place than it had been prior;  there may be some validity to this argument as some scientific advances bring a high price in the form of unintended side effects or moral and ethical questions.

In the harried world of a mother of a young family that has just welcomed a newborn, I can definitively say that research and development is a wonderful and welcome thing!  I have only to point to the new Pampers Sensitive diapers.  My husband and I were almost giddy when the hospital sent us home with a sample package of diapers that had a thin yellow stripe on the front.  When the diaper was wet, the stripe turned blue; thus making it trivial for sleep-deprived parents to know when a diaper change was in order.  Then, disappointment set in as I couldn’t find this “hospital” brand of Pampers based on the packaging.  In comes my Mom to the rescue!  With a little research, she found Pampers Sensitive diapers that contain the new stripe indicating when the diaper was wet.  My husband and I celebrate this new product that we didn’t have a few short years ago for our first child.